Snow
When I went home to Canada, it was snowing. It was cold, as in -17 cold. It was also dark. The sun is up at seven and down around 5 pm. February is a horrible month to be in Toronto because of the cold and the darkness. It has always been my thoughts, yet I found myself there then.
Snow and cold shrank my world. Usually, I am home in the summer and spend a lot of time walking, biking, driving, and wandering, causing a lot of reminiscence and nostalgia. It was too cold to stay outside for the 4-hour walks I once did. There was too much snow for me to feel comfortable driving anywhere. With only ten days, it was hard to move about the area, and the reasons – my grandmother's physical health and my mom’s mental health made me want to stick close to home.
I brought a lot of books and things to keep me busy at home, thinking I would be bored without the ‘freedom’ to wander. I didn’t touch any of it from when my plane landed until it took off. The cold and snow shrank my world, making it deeper.
The time I spent with my 98-year-old grandmother was valuable in words I can’t express. During my time, she realized she could not live alone at home. There’s a lot of fear in finally accepting it, and I am grateful to help guide her. I don’t know how much time is left, but I am lucky to have had a meaningful time. With her health and her mental health frailing, it has caused a lot of stress on my mother. I did errands and was a sounding board for her frustrations in caring for her mother. I listened; maybe, being in problem-solving a bit too much, but I was able to help in the ways I could. It meant a lot.
No one travels a lot during winter since the kids are still in school. In two weeks at home, I felt I reconnected with freinds who I haven’t seen in a while. I had a beer with a high school freind. I reconnected with a freind whom I taught with in my first year in Korea with her husband. One freind always arranges to meet up with me somewhere, which I am always grateful for. There were others I wished to connect with but were busy. I don’t have contacts and there is always another time.
The trip home was short but it was deeper.