JustAGuyinHK

The gardens around the school are soothing.

It has been weird coming back to teach at a school where I taught for 11 years. This year began well, then sank, then rose and sank at the end. In many ways, coming back here has been good. The chances to help and connect with individual students have been rewarding. I have forged bonds with many students in grade 1, and I spend a lot of time helping them. I’ve seen students in my care improve in English. The kids want to hear the stories I read, and I want to see the work they do. There’s excitement from them when I come into the classroom, and I want to help the kids try.

In the most fluent class, I talk, play games and more to build a stronger bond with them. We can talk with ease. We tease, kid and enjoy. It’s been good, and it makes things less lonely, since there are people to talk to. I check in on a few students – those who either struggle or know their family background may not be the best.

I teach the older kids at least once a week. They are busy with exams and assessments to help them get into Secondary School. The teachers are busier and try to help by either getting out of their way or by supporting them however I can. They are also hitting puberty, when boys generally talk more and girls talk less.

There is no English Room for me to teach in and hide from everyone.

The change has been in how the school is organized. The last two schools are large – 5 classes per level – more established. The school calendar and schedules are set in advance and are followed. Here, things move about depending on the week and sometimes the day. I sometimes forget how things change without notice. I can adapt and show up where needed. It creates frustrations which I need to understand. It explains my low periods here – unsure where things are leading to. There is greater isolation and disconnection from other staff due to language barriers. It is normal as a Native English Teacher, but in other schools there was a place for me to go. Here, there is nothing, as I am in the middle of the staff room.

I am happy to come back, despite the challenges. There is more meaning in this small village school. I teach all the kids over the course of a week, forming good bonds. In bigger schools, I never had a chance. There is a sense of purpose, which is the most important thing to me, other than enough to support my lifestyle.

I never thought I would get married. I never thought I would be looking to buy a house with someone. Yet, here I am doing both. It feels incredible, wonderful, and a bit scary, mostly on the buying-a-house part due to age rather than anything else.

Falling in love and getting hitched was never in my thoughts because of my lifestyle, mostly nomadic. People come and go in my life. They don’t stick around. Part of it is living overseas. Part of it is just my nature. It is something I accepted as part of my path until it changed a few years ago.

I met the love of my life – the one who changed me. The one who shaped how I would love many years ago. It began with a clear end – he would move to the United States at some point. We would enjoy our time together and see things, but there would be an unknown end date. In the early years of that relationship, we talked about being together forever, but there would be awkward pauses, so we dropped the topic and enjoyed our time. It ended as expected, and I was hurt. I fell for another, but quickly saw that the future there wasn't going to happen because of timing.

Then I met him with no expectations, no hopes for the future, only to enjoy being with him. We saw each other a lot, then more. We travelled and learned more about each other. There was safety and security as we grew together. It was love, and I felt it for a while, but this feeling or fear – “he will leave me” was still there even though there were no signs or anything, but the thought was there.

He came home with me last year to meet my mom and see my childhood home. He saw the place where I grew the most – Korea, where I spent 7 years. In return, I got to know him more and liked what I saw and what I learned. We grew together and began seeing how lucky I am to have him in my life, and we wanted to build a future together.

The thought has always been there. The talks have always been there. Until we talked last night. He moved in fully near the beginning of the year and has enjoyed it a lot. We have been looking for apartments to build, which is a huge step. Then I turned to him, and we talked, never sure how to 'do it right.' So I asked, “Do you wanna?” and he said, “Sure.” We were joking, but we weren’t. I am lucky beyond words and looking forward to many, many years ahead.

I needed to prepare for an extracurricular activity. My primary three students had to drop an egg from a high height without it breaking. The materials had to be cut up and prepared. I had time and wanted to be outside.

The student said he wanted to talk. They felt lonely. I said sure if he didn’t mind me cutting the egg cartons. They asked me if I had ever cheated before. I was honest and said yes in a French test in primary school. I didn’t want to stay after school. I didn’t think French was important, so I cheated. I could have lied and said no, but I wanted to show I was human – not perfect. He said he had never cheated and gave some praise. They asked if I have any fears. I said the usual – death and the future. Everyone fears death at some point, and well, it is something we need to deal with.

I stopped cutting up the egg cartons. We talked about going into secondary school and how the fear is genuine. I shared how I was afraid of starting new schools, new countries, new lives. It is hard, and it has made me a bit better. I have grown a lot. I shared all of these things and also said that starting something new is hard as a way of explaining how this is part of being human. They worried about making new friends, losing old ones, and the discomfort of being somewhere new. There were examples of the student being on the football team, of always being around friends. I had taught them in P1 but left for a while, and I showed how they have grown since I last knew them. They were surprised I remembered, but for me it is something I do – I can’t explain it.

They thanked me and went back to class before the bell rang. I teach English at this school. I figure out ways to make the lessons enjoyable, and sometimes it works; sometimes it doesn’t. I have questioned moving back to this smaller village school. It is these connections that I have missed, and the reason why I wanted to come back. My work here is more demanding and more rewarding. The connections I am building are still new. I find it critical in teaching them both the subject and the person. There are a lot of students I don’t know. I am working with almost everyone to build something if there is something to build. It can be frustrating and rewarding at the same time.

Only a month in, I feel I've made a mistake. I shouldn’t have come back to my old school. It was a mistake, and I hope it will become less of a mistake over time.

The view from my old, bigger school.

I have been working in ‘big schools’ here in Hong Kong for the past four years. These are schools with 5 & 6 classes of 25 kids per level. I would teach only the P1-P3 (Grades 1 to 3) without doing anything with any of the upper levels. The classes were repetitive – doing the same lesson over and over again. I would try to modify the lesson to the needs of the students. More fluent classes would have more challenging words and tasks, while less fluent classes would have support at their level. It was stressful in the first year but boring in the second year. It’s this boredom that spurred me to make the move. The work was easy, but a crucial structure was missing, which is often lacking in small village schools in northern Hong Kong.

There are four pillars of a good work environment. They are trust – do you feel like your work has your back? Belonging – do you feel part of something? Recognition – are you valued? And something called collective resilience – in a crisis, can we all come together for the benefit of each other and those we help? In my ‘new job’, I feel I don’t have any of those.

The village school I have returned too.

My school is disorganized. The person I rely on for information about what is going on has been missing for two weeks, and I expect them to be absent for the next few days or more. I had worked with her before and know she takes a lot of sick days. I am the only native English speaker at my school, and no one here feels comfortable speaking English. I feel more out of place than before. I have yet to experience the feeling that my work has value, as I still need to determine the needs of the students and find ways to help them.

In the three weeks of classes so far, everything feels rushed and unplanned, with the only purpose being to complete whatever worksheet, page in the textbook, or other assignment. It doesn’t matter if the kids know it. It doesn’t matter if the kids know their ABCs. It is about getting stuff done. I feel like I'm at the mercy of the local teachers, whereas in my previous school, I had more control over what I needed to do, and I could see students learn. This feeling of pressure, which I put upon myself, is normal, but it doesn’t feel like teaching. I am in a mode to manage the class since my teaching partner may not know how to or may not care. I am too harsh and not having fun in the lesson – when I am not having fun, the kids won’t be having fun.

It is only the beginning of the academic year, and I have yet to form a firm bond with the students. I don’t know the names of the teachers well. There is time for me to change, the school to change and for me to build a more meaningful relationship with the students to make the school year better. I am hopeful that when the teacher returns from their sick leave, things will improve. Currently, I’m filling in the gaps, which isn’t my goal or my role here, but I remain optimistic about the future.

My partner and I weren't sure what to do for lunch. I didn't want something 'western' but felt like something local. There was a large article in the NY Times about the Metropol Restaurant at the United Centre near Admiralty. It has been around for 35 years and is closing. It is one of the last remaining dim sum restaurants where they are served from metal carts in the city. A local university will take over the space to use as classrooms. The number of customers visiting there has been declining for the past few years due to COVID-19 and the shift of people heading to Mainland China, as it is cheaper and easier. It is more known as a tourist place, but don't mind that feeling.

We went up to the fourth floor of the United Centre. It felt like a typical Cantonese-style restaurant with a red-themed entrance, and we were ushered into one of the two doors. There were no differences in which door we went through si